Fishy Boo Boo’s and Wal-Mart Wednesday

It has been going on for some time now. There are just those weeks where the days run together. The days go by like that movie Groundhog Day. Then a certain day of the week comes and I’m ripped back to reality by the contents of the baggage cart as they bring it planeside.

As I’m in my morning groove loading the airplane, the first of usually two boxes enter the aircraft. They are usually pretty heavy. They are about 3ftx3fx1ft. They sound as if they are filled with water because, well, they are. They are scribbled on with a giant black sharpie. “Wal-Mart – Cow Town”. The box usually has some sort of sea/underwater dwelling creature printed on the box with a Florida address printed underneath it.

Ah, It must be Wednesday. Wal-Mart Wednesday.

You see, every Wednesday since I have started this job, I have received these boxes bound for the pet section in the Wal-Mart in Cow Town. It is their weekly shipment of fish to be sold as pets. It never fails. Just like clockwork there they are on Wednesday morning.

I had no idea that the good people of Cow Town enjoyed keeping aquariums. I mean, how many pet fish can one store sell in a week?

I have never had the opportunity to see inside one of these boxes but I can only imagine. Seeing parents and children alike leave pet stores, I Imagine that they are filled with pint or quart sized bags of water containing betas, goldfish and oscars placed ever so carefully in the box.

Can you imagine that ride? That has got to be worse than Space Mountain at Disney. Swiped out of your peaceful existence by a net and put in bag. Then put in a box. Peering through the cellophane you see your buddy you saw at the Reef Bar the night before, both of you now terrified when the darkness comes as they close up the box. You’re put in the back of a delivery truck that goes to the airport. Then you are hurled through the air at close to 600 mph enduring, light to moderate turbulence at FL350, and an ILS to CAT II mins. Now you get processed through a sort unit, tossed into a baggage cart that rambles to an unpressurized aircraft that finally makes its way to Cow Town.

The final blow comes when some package truck driver grabs a hold of the box you and your buddy are in and exclaims in his best motherese voice, “Look at the little fishy boo boos!”

Yep, it’s Wednesday.

Unofficial FWP Game Counter

I made my last big game counting run this morning. Well not really. At least the one that counts. The big game season started here in New South Montucky on the 21st of October. It ends Sunday night at sundown. I have spent the last few weeks, weather permitting, flying along the river between The Dive to Squidtown, looking for deer, antelope and wild turkeys.

It has been fun watching mother nature, from my lofty perch, change the landscape from the beautiful orange and golds of the trees and the green dew tipped grass that glitters in the early morning sunlight, to the wintry white landscape that Old Man Winter brought to our area earlier this week.

5 to 8 hundred feet and about 150kts seems to work pretty well. From my vantage I get to see the wild turkeys just north of the dam hanging out in the vicinity of Murphy's dairy. The deer dine on the alfalfa fields and can be found in the hills, coulees, and other areas scattered along the river bottom and associated terrain. The biggest damn antelope I've ever seen I saw just south of the coal mine. I just have to be careful of the geese that migrate south and use the river and local farmland as refuge on their way south.

I absolutely love this part of my day. It is so relaxing and I feel at home because, well, I am. This is the best leg of the route too. I know most of the people that own the land I fly over and I get to see them on a regular basis when they dine in the deli. I love to watch their harvest progress into the fall dirt work in preparation for the spring planting. I love to see the hunters in their blaze orange sneaking through the woods stalking the game that I see. Best of all some guy in an office pays me to do this. Dork.

Red Square

This will drive you nuts!! (If you're not there already)

The object of the game is to move the red block around without getting hit by the blue blocks or touching the black walls.

If you can go longer than 18 seconds you are phenomenal.
The US Air Force supposedly uses this for fighter pilots.
They are expected to go for at least 2 minutes.
Give it a try but be careful...it is addictive!!

Click HERE

Must See TV

Ok so I spent way to much time on the the Internet yesterday. I did, however, find a couple of videos that are worth posting.

The first link is to a new series of Delta Airlines commercials that are running on You Tube. I have found recently that a lot of companies are using sites like YT to test marketing campaigns before they go public. Not sure that this is the case here or not.

At the present time there are 4 spots that really poke fun of airlines and airline travellers (quite humorously). The title of the this series is Planeguage. Rumor has it that there will be 25 or so of these spots altogether. See them HERE.

The second video I want to show you is an amazing 2 mile race between a Eurofighter Typhoon and a Bugatti Veryon. Enjoy!

ORD Results

I heard back on Monday about the results of the interview. It came down to me an one other guy. Both of us equally qualified. Both of us Pilots and A&P's. One of us from the Chicago area and the other from New South Montucky. One family they would have to pay to move to the Chicago area the other could commute from their present location. Long story short, I'm staying put.

Although I wasn't selected, it's almost a relief. I don't have to worry about packing up all of our toys and moving. I don't have to worry about selling a house in an unsettled housing market or trying to find one on the other end.

It is nice to know that my resume, times and skills are competitive out there in the 'real world' job market. It has actually been a little bit of a confidence builder to know that all of my hard work put into this industry is beginning to pay off. It is good to know that all those hours slugging around in a 172 with a student pilot, all theses hours of hauling boxes single-pilot IFR at night in the mountains, shooting approaches to mins while picking up ice has created a good foundation to build the rest of my career on.

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

-Teddy Roosevelt

Yeah, I'm a little disappointed that I wont get to fly a shiny jet around the country or be able to work with my buddy, but, I have a job to focus on here. I'll keep my finger on the pulse of the industry and see what comes along next.

Broken Wings

In a previous post I told you about a couple of trips that I took during my LOA from Royal Air. The trip to Chicagoland was obviously personal, (still waiting to hear) and the second trip was on behalf of Royal Air.

Royal Air has a fleet of SUVs and SDSUVs that we use to shuttle boxes around for the Big Box Haulers. The fleet has come under some scrutiny the last couple of years in the form of an Airworthiness Directive (AD) that deals with fatigue cracks in the wing spar.

The FAA and the manufacturer of the SUV have issued AD 2005-12-12 and AD 2005-12-13 to deal with these cracks. Click HERE to read more about them. These new ADs eliminate repetitive inspections as required by AD 79-10-15 and AD 99-11-13 with the installation of a costly (read $70K+ USD) wing spar strap.

Since I‘ve been gone from the ‘office’ and the other pilots have picked up the slack in my absence, they asked me to deliver one of our SUVs to ICT to have the AD complied with. The flight was great and uneventful. It was so good and enjoyable I realized I didn’t take any pictures until after I had shot the ILS and parked in front of the FBO. I guess I was so happy to be back in the air again AND out of the routine of flying my regular route that I just plain forgot.


I got to spend the night and had time to kill the next morning before my flight. I spent my time snooping around the various aircraft manufacturing facilities in the area and visited a pilot shop that I used to frequent when I lived just southeast of ICT in the late-90’s.

On my way back to New South Montucky I got to sit in DEN for a few hours. As I sat in the food court gnawing on a leathery fast food burger I got to watch a Lufthansa 747 taxi into the gate. What an impressive machine! It might be fun to fly for about a month or so. I wonder what a guy has to do to get a job flying one of those?

ORD

A few weeks a go a college buddy of mine called me on the phone. It was not highly unusual to hear from him. It was one of those deals where I had lived with him in the fraternity house, and we became friends. We have talked only a couple times a year since our college days just to touch base and keep tabs on each other. As we are both pilots and are focused pretty much on our careers and families, and live a thousand miles away from each other, I have only seen him a few times in almost ten years .

Two springs ago he happened to fly in to New South Montucky. I drove 150 miles to meet hm as he spent the day waiting on his passengers at the airport. He encouraged me to bring a resume along to give to his boss who was also on the trip. More of a networking deal than anything. At any rate I got to show face, press some palms and network a little while catching up with my buddy.

Our phone call was the usual how are ya, where are ya, what is your total time, hows life been treating you type of deal. Then he threw me a bone. That snowy spring day networking at the airport was about to pay off.

He told me that his company was going to lose a pilot and that they were looking for a replacement in their small corporate department. As they weighed their options my name popped up. Experienced pilot, A&P certificate, personal recommendation from an internal employee, seemed like a good fit.

As you can well imagine I had my resume and cover letter in a purple envelope winging its way to the greater Chicago area for review.

The next week my wife and I found ourselves winging our way to Chicagoland for an interview.

They paid our airfare, rental car, and put us up in the company hotel for the weekend as I/we interviewed. They encouraged me to bring Mrs. Scudrunner along as this was a family owned company and families should make decisions together. Aside from the 1-on-1 interview with the chief pilot, Mrs. S. was encourage to come along on the company tour and see what her husband would be doing and flying to bring home the bacon. We also spent time looking at some of the 'burbs near where the a/c is based to find ourselves a suitable community in which to live if we were offered the job.

Here are a few pictures of the trip...

Quite possibly my new ride

Citation Excel

Me and the Chief pilot checking out the 'office'.

The courtyard at the hotel.

Downtown Chicago

I should know next week whether or not we need to pack our toys in the wagon and go to Chicago.

Getting back to normal

Well, it has been just a little over two months since my father passed away. Funny how my post from July has the last picture I took of him as we flew together.

Aside from adapting to this new chapter in life, I have been helping my mother out in her home and in the family business as we transition to this new era in our lives.

I took a small leave of absence from Royal Air, understandable of course, in this difficult time. It was probably a wise decision to stay out of a cockpit for a few weeks to give myself time to sort things out. Yet, like many pilots, I find peace and solace in the left seat doing what I know how to do. If it wasn't for my faith in God and knowing that he has a plan for all of us I'd be in really bad shape.

I've been back to work for about 3 weeks now and in that time, I've made a couple of interesting trips I'll blog about later.

I love flying this time of year, harvest is almost over, the leaves are turning color, and hunting season is almost here. From my lofty perch I get to see the farmers harvest their crops and tend to the fall work in their fields. I get to see where the wild game I will soon hunt, congregate and move, so that I may plan a successful hunt. Best of all, I get to see all the autumn colors of God's divine palette.

The weather here in New South Montucky, is usually pretty good this time of year as well. The Indian summer days make flying a breeze, except for the cold front that came through last week. It gave me a chance to knock the rust off of my instrument skills and it made the fall scenery that much more beautiful buy capping the mountains to the north in a beautiful white blanket. It won't be long until I get to inhale that two-stroke cold smoke.

Before I go I want to leave you with this...
I ran across a link to this guy's You Tube page. His name is Ramasurinen. He has made about 10 or so 5-10 minute flying videos that will blow your mind. They are all done in MSFS X. His latest film Vectors is great and very humorous. A word of caution: Don't go here if you don't have an hour or so to kill. This rabbit trail goes pretty deep if you let it. ;o)

All Honor to His Name

10-20-1942 to 08-08-07

The man that taught me that airplanes were cool, the man that helped me spark my interest in aviation by dragging me along to the airport, and the man that encouraged me to reach for my dreams, has flown into the western sunset.

He was a man of unparalleled wisdom, an unending supply of compassion, an unlimited supply of 'old man strength' and possessed of a deep faith in Jesus Christ. He lived vicariously through us boys and our careers and beamed with pride when he spoke of us. He was a loving husband to his wife and set an example for his children to follow. He was a friend, a brother, and most of all, a father.

I love you dad. We'll miss you.

Some recent pictures

Here are a few select pictures from some recent flights...

The landscape between Cowtown and The Big Dive.

My Dad doing a fine job at the controls.
(btw he is a licensed pilot)

Sunrise in Big Town over the SDSUV.

Sunrise over one of the SUV's.

Loretta

As I fly on my routes in New South Montucky, I often monitor the Common Traffic Advisory Frequencies (CTAF) of the airports that I fly over or go to. The CTAF is a frequency that will allow pilots to self announce their positions and intentions at airports that are not served by control towers.

For months now I have been hearing transmissions from one of our competitors’ pilots (I’ll call him Maverick) a couple times a week, on the CTAF frequency, that have baffled me to no end. They seem to me to be random and out of the blue. They go a little something like this:

“Good morning Loretta! Looking like it’s going to be a wonderful day. The forecast is calling for lots of sunshine today and not too hot. There might be some showers later tonight. It might be a great day to get out and work in the yard. I hope you have a great day. Take care now, and we’ll chat with you tomorrow!”

There is never any sort of reply. No voices, no transmissions or Morse code. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Some mornings there is poetry, songs, commentary or a comment on local and current events. I’ve actually gotten to the point where I looked forward to hearing “the next episode”.

Hmmmm. Interesting.

I have contemplated long and hard about who this mysterious woman might be or what these transmissions might mean.

I wonder if she is Maverick’s mistress/girlfriend. Maybe it is the code for them to rendezvous at some undisclosed predetermined location, and she listens for him on her hand held scanner.

Or maybe she was a past lover or maybe a daughter that was tragically killed in a vehicle accident on a portion of highway that he flies over daily and this is his way of remembering her.

It could be simply that he is just bored and makes these transmissions to add a little spice to his trip and make guys like me ponder it on my trip to pass the time.

I asked my chief pilot, Sven, if he had heard Maverick’s on air morning salutations. He in fact had, and when queried if he knew who Loretta was, he was no help either. He did say that the comments were always interesting and they gave him something to think about as he flew.

I did some more detective work by asking a few guys in the crew room if they had heard the snippets and if they knew who Loretta was. Many had heard them, yet nobody knew who she was.

I guess I’m going to have to ask Maverick myself. Unfortunately, Maverick flies for a different Big Box Hauler and as a result has a different base than I do. His outstation, Dogtown, is at an airport about 50nm northwest of my outstation. I really can’t just walk up to him and say ‘Hi’. I rarely go to Dogtown, and when I do, Mav is usually not there. He has either gone to his crash pad or has not arrived.

It may be months before I run into him again. I guess time will tell. Until then I guess I’ll just listen for the ‘next episode’.

Where Have You Been??

In an effort to keep myself busy at my outstation and as a result of needing to scratch a creative itch, I started this blog, hoping it would keep me busy. However it was relatively short lived. Recently my time and energy have been diverted to a new part time job I have acquired in Squidtown.

There is this little deli type joint I have been eating at several times a week . The food is inexpensive and you get a bunch. (more than enough to feed a hungry freight pilot) The atmosphere is really laid back and the table by the water fountain and pond is the best.

The menu consists of home made soups, mountainous salads, sandwiches the size of dinner platters and wraps the size of footballs. They usually have a daily special that is always an adventure in eating, and the fresh baked cookies, bars and brownies help keep my girlish figure in check.

I was saddened to learn recently (read April) that the waitress Michelle was quitting and that the owners had yet to find a suitable replacement. After chatting with the owners about the oddities of my schedule I decided to apply for the job. Wouldn’t you know it I was hired on the spot. A slightly lower wage was negotiated in return for a “crew meal” at the end of my shift and as a result this cheap freight pilot works for food and some extra cash.

When I arrive at Squidtown in the morning, I tend to my pilot duties of putting the SUV to rest in the stable and then off to the deli I go! I help the cook prep for the day, and as customers file in for the mid-day meal I trade my wings for an apron and a ticket book and wait tables during the lunch rush.

I never thought that I would enjoy a job in the food service industry. However, I have been proven wrong and have really taken a liking to the job, chatting and joking with the customers as I serve them their Pleased to Meat You sandwiches and Tatonka Chicken wraps.

As the day winds down, I help clean up the dining room, wash dishes, and prep for the next day. I arrive back at the airport in time to perform my preflight duties, receive my freight and launch back into the wild blue yonder.

Snow Snakes

I felt kind stupid the first time it happened. Then it happened again the next week, a little different, but it happened. Two storms, two weeks, two incidences of vetigo, I gotta tell you about this.

Spring is just around the corner here in New South Montucky. We hare had a fairly mild winter. The snow has been poor to crap, severely limiting my ability to enjoy my other passion. The storms/snow we did get blanketed the earth in a few inches of the white stuff, only to be blown into neighboring states or melted by the above average temps a few days later. The longest the snow stuck around was maybe a week. Ten days at best. One of these storms, the same weather system that gave Jet Blue a black eye, affected Squidtown a few days earlier.

It was the end of the storm, and the first VFR day since the snow flew. The Squid Town airport manger and his crew had done a great job of removing snow off the various airport surfaces. So good in fact, that the surfaces were bare and dry.

I had started my preflight a little early so that I could facilitate a few minutes extra in my schedule. I wanted to make sure the TSIO-520’s that power the SUV were good and warm before I asked them for warp speed.

I taxied the SUV into the run-up area where I positioned myself into the 18-20 kt wind. I set the brakes, set the engine power to a high idle, checked to see that the oil temp was on the rise and reached for the manifest to finish up the weight and balance calculations.

Heads down, engines warming, I began to punch the numbers into the calculator and transfer them to the manifest. As I worked, I began to feel strangely disoriented and dizzy. “YOU’RE MOVING!” my mind screamed as I smashed the brakes to the firewall. I looked up only to see long ribbons of drifting snow, 10-12 ft long, snaking past the aircraft….

…It was the mid eighties and dad and I were on the way to a local ranch to work cattle. I would get to be dad’s “helper” today. I stared out the window at the -15 degree New South Montucky snowscape as the old grey Ford rattled down the county road. Riding in Old Grey was always an adventure. Dad made it a point to show my brother and I local landmarks, where the crossroads led, various client ranches, native plants and grasses, and of course, the veterinarian’s favorite, wild life.

“Look! Snow Snakes!” dad exclaimed. I peeled my tongue from the frosty window expecting to see white, scaly reptiles slithering on the road. Yet in the back of my mind I wondered how on earth a reptile would move on such a cold day.

“Nuh Uh!” I exclaimed back as my eyes scanned the road, spotting only those long ribbons of drifting snow, snaking their way diagonally across the road…..

Two weeks later I find myself turning base to final to runway 12 at Cow Town after our latest snow storm. The winds are 100 degrees 27 gusting to 35. I notice, contrary to the NOTAM for 1” loose snow, that the airport manager has plowed the runway or the wind has carried the snow to the next state. The runway appears bare and dry save for the snow snakes crawling diagonally across the runway.

I plant the SUV on the piano keys, knowing that in this wind I will easily make intersection Charlie. As I near the intersection, snow snakes passing harmlessly under the wings, it suddenly dons on me that at this rate of speed I will in fact NOT make Charlie.

Quickly sizing up the situation and sensory overload reaching it’s climax, I discover with a quick test of the brakes, that the runway is dry and that the brakes are working properly and yet the runway lights have stopped moving, while the runway continues to rush past.

When my mind finally catches up to my body and the rest of the aircraft, I find myself 50’ short of the intersection, standing on the brakes in the middle of the runway, sitting in a motionless airplane whose props are idly slicing and dicing snow snakes as they race past the aircraft at 30 kts.

I hope nobody is watching, because I feel pretty stupid right now. Stupid snow snakes.

Packing Materials

There are many ways to protect the goods you send via the Big Box Haulers. My advice after casual observation, is to pack things as if they are going to get broke, but that is a whole other post. The focus of this post is the materials that people use to package their items and how they apply to me and my job.

Paper/News Paper

I don’t see much of this type of packing material. Mainly because the packages that have paper as the main packing material don’t bust open inside my aircraft. This is one of my favorite PM’s. As a receiver of such goods packed in paper, it can be mildly messy. Just because of the sheer volume of paper that is usually used to protect the contents. It also has the tendency to fill trash receptacles rather quickly. Boxes using paper as the main PM are usually lighter than most and may have a bulging appearance.

Ghost Poop/Foam Peanuts

If I ever meet the guy that invented this stuff, I’m gonna choke the living crap out of him. I usually see this type of PM falling out of boxes that are heavy. I have no idea why. People seem to pack objects such as pipe couplings, pump motors, bowling balls, and other heavy dense objects, usually with sharp corners and add peanuts as an afterthought, just to occupy space inside the box. By the time these boxes reach me at planeside, they usually have holes or tears in them. Each time they are handled about 3 cups of the PM puffs out of the FOD generating holes. They are most often seen tumbling along in herds, with the wind, racing towards the air carrier ramp. I wonder how much ghost poop would have to be ingested by a 737 or A320 before it wrecks an engine. The other place that they are commonly seen is on the floor of my SUV. I looks as if a ghost crapped all over in the back of the plane. I swear the damn things breed in flight. I either have to sweep or vacuum out the aircraft in order to dispose of them. They are nasty to get in a package as well. Extremely hard to dispose of, they occupy large volumes of trash receptacle volume, stick to you hands and arms, and run from a statically charged broom.

Air Bags

I don’t know what else to call them. Little plastic pouches filled with air.(Click Video Link) How ingenious!! Easy to handle, I never see them, not messy, simply poke with a box cutter or scissors and they go flat, making disposal a breeze. They were my absolute favorite until Thursday…

I had just departed Big Town, on my regular route. I had leveled out at 12,000, finished up the cruise checklist and began to do the weight and balance. Otto was at the helm as I furiously and intensely plugged numbers into the calculator, and diligently wrote them on the manifest. That is when it happened. I heard, over the ANR headset and the drone of the engines, a muffled POP! It was even strong enough to make the seat jolt slightly! I quickly discarded the manifest and calculator, shut Otto off and took the helm myself. A quick check of the engine instruments and a glance outside to the engines revealed nothing out of the ordinary. As far as I could tell there were no noxious fumes or smoke in the cabin. After a few minutes of intense sniffing, looking, and checking I came to the conclusion that I had either hit a B-1RD or some freight had shifted in the back of the aircraft. The rest of the flight was uneventful.

When I landed in The Dive, the driver and I unloaded the last of the boxes off the SUV. The second to last box located directly behind my seat, against the cargo net, I noticed, was open. It was as if it were forcefully opened along the top seam. The box and the packing tape were both torn. Curious, I peered inside to examine the contents of the said box. And what, you ask, did I find? A box filled with my little air bag friends….

Near as I can tell, the climb to 12,000, in an unpressurized aircraft, caused these little buggers to expand. The plastic, unable to contain the air trapped inside, gave way and exploded much like a balloon would if you filled it too far. The resulting ‘explosion’ ripped open the top of the box and sent a little concussion wave to the back of my seat through the cargo net, causing my two minutes of panic.

Lesson learned.

Note to self: Airbags may go off in flight.

I'm Back

Man, almost a whole month since I have posted. I have just been plane busy. (Pun intended) One of the guys at Royal Air quit middle of last month, messing with my schedule. Plus, I have made a couple of lifestyle changes in the last month and I have also acquired a new computer. So I have not been as diligent in my posts as I should have been. Anyway today's content is actually pirated from a mass email sent to me from my sister in law. Although not all of it may be factual, the underlying tones are spot on in my opinion. Enjoy!!

When you see a Pilot... he's not getting paid!

• When you see a pilot going through the same security you go through, he's not being paid.
• When you see a pilot walking in the terminal, he's not being paid.
• When you see a pilot walking around the aircraft doing a preflight inspection, he's not being paid.
• When you board the aircraft and look in the cockpit and see the pilots setting up the aircraft, they're not getting paid.
• When you land safely at your destination and walk off the aircraft and see the pilots shutting down the aircraft, they're not being paid
• When you see a pilot waiting for a ride to a hotel for the night, he's not being paid.
• The only time the pilot of your aircraft is getting paid is when you DON"T see him... when he's locked behind the cockpit door as you push back from the gate. Every thing else he does until this point is for free. For no wages. Nothing!
• The average airline pilot is at work for 12- 14 hours per day, yet gets paid for less than 6 - 7 hours.
• The average airline pilot is away from home, at work, for 70+ hours a week, yet gets paid for only 15 to 18 hours per weeks work.
• Most pilots schedules have them working 15 to 21 days a month... that means they are not at home half to three-fourths of every month. Yet the public usually only reads about those few exceptions that have 20 days off (though in their last few years before retirement).
• Holidays, weekends, birthdays, anniversaries, summer vacations.... not at home.
• A majority of pilots have 4 year college degrees, or more. Then they begin training as pilots.
• A large majority of Pilots have spent 8 years or more flying in the military, risking their lives and protecting your freedom for wages most of you wouldn't accept in the civilian world.
• Civilian trained pilots have spent $50,000 or more to acquire the training that qualifies them for a Regional Airline job, which pays a wage less than the poverty level in most western countries.
• Most pilots do not attain the required experience level to be hired by a major airline until they are well passed the age of 30. The average age of a new hire airline pilot is 32.
• Until the year 2009, airline pilots were required to retire at the age of 60. This gave most of them less than 28 years to maximize their income and fund their pensions, hoping that greedy airline execs won't steal it. Today, they still have to worry about the greedy execs.
• Airline pilots are subject to random drug and alcohol testing, any time they are at work. Fail it and they lose their job.
• Airline pilots are required to undergo rigorous re-training and certification every 6 months, at which time they could fail and lose their jobs, licenses and livelihood.
• Airline pilots are required to submit to random government "Line checks" during which their license could be revoked and livelihood destroyed.
• Airline pilots are exposed to radiation levels far exceeding the normal safe radiation limits mandated by the FDA.
• Airline pilots are required to submit to a government medical examination every 6 months. Year after year. Fail that, and their career is over.
• How many of you go to work where people try to kill you? How many of you have had your office turned into a missile? How many of you work behind a bullet proof door?
• How many of you are responsible for the lives of 200- 300 people, with any small mistake in your performance resulting in the death of your customers (and yourselves), and serious financial setback or destruction of your company?
• How many of your jobs require you to fight your way through thunderstorms, rain, snow, ice and turbulence, day and night, year after year? No mistakes allowed? The excuse " I had a bad day at work" never accepted?
• Many pilots volunteer (on their own time and own dime) to be trained as Federal Flight Deck Officers, and carry weapons to defend their aircraft, crew and passengers. They maintain their proficiency and qualifications twice a year on their own time and money.
• How many of you go to work where you are searched, patted down and your personal items scrutinized by strangers for weapons and bombs, even though you can kill everyone in your place of work with just your bare hands?
• Airline pilot pay scales and hours worked are usually posted by absurdly overcompensated Airline Exec's who wage a PR campaign against their Pilot Unions and trying to justify their own greedy bonus's and draconian wage and pension cuts. Cheap airline passengers just love this since they don't care if their airplane is flown by the lowest denominator, as long as they can fly for next to nothing. Of course if they don't get to their destination, their next of kin can sue....

John Deere

The other night I was flying along at 10,000ft in the SUV. I was really enjoying my last flight for the week, the drone of the engines, the unusual warmth of the Janitrol heater and some descent weather for this time of year. As the lights from the farms and ranches of New South Montucky slid under the wings, I marveled at all the domestic and international traffic on frequency. Life was good. The radio came to life …

JD4630: Good evening Center, John Deere 4630 checking in FL410.

Center: John Deere 4630, Center, Roger.

I couldn’t resist. I just had to say on the radio what went through my mind.

Me: I didn’t know John Deere made airplanes.

JD4630: We don’t. We’re actually a Citation X going to KBFI.

Me: Let me guess, your aircraft is painted John Deere green?

JD4630: (chuckling) No, but our wheels are painted yellow like the tractors.

Me: No kidding?

JD4630: Yeah. We actually get made fun of once in a while but it is all in good fun.

Me: I can only imagine. Have a nice flight.

JD4630: You too.


Wow. Who knew? Its flights and radio chatter like this that make me feel good about being a pilot. It brings joy to my heart and a smile to my face.

Super Duty SUV

A couple of weeks before Christmas, in preparation for the big Christmas package hauling rush, the company checked me out in the Super Duty SUV (SDSUV). Man what a treat! I love flying this airplane!

The SDSUV is considerably bigger than the SUV. Its gross weight is 1600lb (725.7kg) heavier than the SUV. The engines are essentially the same. However, the SDSUV’s engines are rated at 50 hp more, as well as geared and swing a much bigger three bladed prop. Not to mention that they sound really cool.

The aircraft handles fairly well. It reminds me of how the Ambulance handled, or maybe one of those gigantic land yachts they used to drive in the 70’s. (Maybe some of you have driven one)

The first day on the line with my new ride the rampers brought me 2250lbs (1020.5kg) of freight. The weight of the boxes plus the day's required fuel load brought my gross weight about 50lbs (22.7kg) shy of the 8400lb (3810kg) limit. The SDSUV handled the load wonderfully and performed much better than expected. Most aircraft I have flown are gutless wonders at or near gross weight. I don’t think that the plane knew it was so heavy. I know it didn’t act like it.

Landings in this aircraft are a breeze. The SDSUV is rock solid in the approach configuration and the flare is a bit flatter than the SUV I’m used to commanding. However, at low gross weights, it requires full nose up trim and a fairly healthy dose of bicep in the flare.

The trailing link landing gear makes me look like a pro. My occasional carrier landings are now virtually non-existent (tail hook not included, void where prohibited, no purchase necessary)

Now that the guys in the brown and purple suits and the one guy in the red suit have slowed down, I have been sent back to my SUV flying duties. The SDSUV will be outfitted with carpet and seats for the charter department and be placed on standby for the freight fleet to handle those occasional heavier loads.

I hope to be able to climb into the left seat of the SDSUV again real soon.